[Im]Possibilities

I dreamt of the ocean.  It rolled and swelled underneath me, though I was not in the water.  Nor was I in the sky. 

I was looking for you, but I could only see the waves, blue and gray, and the sky.  And there was nothing else.  But I knew you were searching for me too.  Or waiting for me to find you; I’m not sure which.  Maybe both. 

I tried calling your name, but I did not know it.  The wind snatched at my voice and carried it over my shoulder and away from you.  The clouds thickened and blocked the sun, and I was alone. 

The sea became rougher, rebelling against the air that raged above it.  The sky wanted to keep me, keep me from you.   

Here are the basics of what makes a novel:

• Character wants something
• “Stuff” happens
• Character either quits
• Or doesn’t

I may as well be one of “those” people who compare life to a book, even though life isn’t like a book at all.  I see it more as books are like life.  You know, one thing is another, but another is not a one thing.  But I digress.

Anyway, I, if life is a book and I’m in a novel, want something. Even if it isn’t a book, I still want something.  Well, recently, “stuff” happened.  I wrecked my car.  Totally smooshed it.  I figure now is as good a time as any to make the formal “I was in a car accident” announcement.  I just didn’t want people freaking out on me.  Even though I still had people freaking out on me.  Within five minutes, KFC was blowing up my phone (had to call off; within minutes, everyone was calling.)  And at that point, I didn’t really want to talk about it.  So I didn’t.  And I still don’t.  But now you know. 

Oh, I’m okay, by the way.

But I have made my life a bazillion times more difficult.  Now, I have to rely on everybody else to get around… Which is awesome when one’s parents have nine other children. 

So that is the “stuff” that happened.  In a nutshell. 

And it would be so easy to just quit.  The other day I thought to myself, as I was walking to work in the rain from my bus stop, that it would be so easy to get stuck and say that it was too hard.  And that maybe people decide not to want anything because they’re afraid it will be too difficult to succeed.  Or that it’s easier just to not do anything and have somebody else pay for you and take you everywhere and feed you and wipe your -

Never mind. 

But I would rather struggle. 

Than give up.

Because I want to live everyday of my life. 

There are three types of people: Those who watch things happen, those who make things happen, and those who wonder what the hell happened?

Friday night on my way back from the barn, I kidnapped 1/2 of my BFFs to come along with me to my scholarship competition. This was brought about by Kenna saying we needed to hang out and me going, “NO TIME!!!!” Until I realized I could just take her with me. So that is exactly what I did. We drove up Friday night with my mom and little sister, giving me time to catch up with Kenna (my job and school combined are trying to steal my soul). Until my mom got really sleepy and I had to drive. By the way, I loooovvveeee my car way more than my mom’s minivan.

Then we finally get to the hotel around 11:30. Then I had to finish my scholarship essay (I do not recommend waiting this long to get stuff done. It wasn’t that I hadn’t worked on it beforehand; I had worked on it for three weeks… But I had about three weeks worth of writers’ block that I had to work through). Then comes the panic attack of… where on earth are we going to print this beasty essay?!? Fed-ex and Officemax do not open till 9 on Saturdays… So we decided to ask at the front desk. At 1 in the morning. Luckily, avoided asking because we found the computer station, complete with printer. That’s what’s up! Then we had a stapler issue, as in, we didn’t have one. They had a pretty nifty vending machine that we thought might have a stapler, but it didn’t. It only had drugs and condoms. Oh, and princess puzzles for the kids. So we were by the vending machine and we saw a hotel lady wandering around (putting bills under doors, actually). We had seen her before on the other side of the hotel when we were printing off my essay. So I decide I might as well ask if she had a stapler at the front desk that we could use in the morning. In my most polite KFC customer service voice possible (complete with pjs), I ask about the stapler. Of course, Kenna and Kelsey are not used to my super polite KFC voice, so they are literally choking on laughter… The lady goes through one door, we go through another… to the same stairwell. I thought I was going to have to do the Heimlich on Kelsey to get the giggles out of her throat. Then we went upstairs and crashed.

The next morning, Kenna woke me up at 7. She has sleep issues, which is why she was up. I have the opposite sleep issues, which was why I was not. So we got ready and then headed over to Lake Erie College! We checked in and went to sit down. They talked. Then we split up into groups. I happened to be in the group that did interviews first. They walked us to another building and sat us in their “parlor.” (I call it a parlor because the furniture looks like it is from a fashionable 18th century parlor from fashionable society). Which I think is super cool. I talked to the people sitting next to me because I had on my friendly face, and I was just super excited to be there. For those of you who I have not yet told (which should be none of you), Lake Erie is my first choice… well, it’s actually my only choice. I don’t really want to go anywhere else. So I sat and talked to different people as the girls I was talking to went to their interviews… Time passed and finally… “It’s time to go to the group processing activity!” Umm… wait a second… I went up to the lady and was like “I haven’t had my interview yet.” Apparently, I was a no-show. So we got that straightened out and I went and did my interview. My interviewers were a professor and a student from the Equine Program. Perfect! I am positive I made a good impression. I was on my A-game. But I am not going to share what they asked or my answers because that would make this blog waaayyyy too long. But it was a very conversational interview and was a whole lot less awkard than my interview at Findlay’s scholarship competition. Then I went and caught up with the rest of my group at the group processing activity, which was really just chill time and did not make an impact on the outcome of the competition. We all got maximum points. Then was the math test. Enough said on that. Luckily I beasted both my essay and interview, so hopefully that will carry me through.

Then came lunch time. Oh, lunch time. We went to the ultra-fancy La Malfa center (which was actually attached to our hotel). They had tables set up, but they all had somebody sitting at them. The only one we found that had enough seats for the four of us had a boy and his father. The boy, let’s call him Jonny to protect the “innocent.” I’m just covering my tracks in case this boy does happen to go to LEC and figure out who I am and find my blog. He was not horrifically ugly… But definitely not attractive. So we talk to the two sharing our table because it would have been rude not to… I was still joking around with Kelsey and Kenna… At one point my mom said something about how I had worked so hard to get here, and Kelsey goes, “And just to get her name on a cupcake…” So Jonny goes “Oooohhh burn…” and then makes a little comment a bit later while Kelsey and I are arguing about birthday cakes. I guess he felt left out. A couple minutes after, my mom asks Jonny if he has any siblings and he says no, but that she (Kelsey) is adorable and that he would like to take her home (as a pet… don’t think dirty thoughts because that was not what was implied. Just covering my tracks again). I said he could take her so that I could have my own room for the next few months. Kelsey did not say another word the rest of the meal. At one point we all stopped talking. I looked at Kelsey and she looked back at me. We can read each other’s mind almost, so she knew I was thinking about how she was so adorable when she was quiet. Then Jonny goes, “Awkward silence.” Which of course makes it worse.

Then the president spoke and told us about “The Days…” One of which is Mountain Day. Mountain Day is a day that nobody knows except the president where they cancel classes for a scavenger hunt. You get into teams of four for this, and there are some pretty spectacular prizes. So Jonny, of course, invites me to be on his team. And I’m like sure because I was still in polite mode. Not gonna happen. Sorry, Kid.

Kenna was also not really participating in any of the conversation… Thanks for that, by the way. I later found out that she was distracted by a super cute guy at the next table (who I had talked to after our “group processing activity” and who had told me I would be safe in case of a knife fight because I was wearing a Carhartt. That’s good to know).

Luckily, we managed to extricate ourselves without exchanging contact information. It was a close call though because neither I nor my mom had a camera to take a picture of my cupcake. So Jonny’s padre offered to take a picture and send it to my email. But what are best friend’s for? Kenna had her cellular device and took a picture for me! Yahoo!

Then we visited the barns to watch a bit of an IDA (Intercollegiate Dressage Association) show. My mom totally does not get it. “So we’re really just going to watch a horse running around in circles?” Yeah… That’s why we don’t talk much.

Then Kelsey really wanted to go to the beach, so we visited Headlands Park, ran across the beach barefoot and back, put shoes back on because it was REALLY cold, took some pictures and came home.

Lake Erie is going to call me on March 1st to let me know how I did. It is going to be a really long wait.